Holiday Concerns for Special Needs

   For the average family, the holidays represent a time to be with relatives and family, celebrate, and maybe give and receive gifts. For a special needs family however, the holidays represent more — everything from a change in schedules, which can create stress, to fears of unmet expectations, which can become overwhelming, even incapacitating.

   Our day-to-day routines provide an autopilot function in our lives.  They allow us to minimize the number of decisions that need to be made.  Parents of special needs children create routines based on successes they have experienced over time; these may include certain foods, clothes, bedtime rituals, or quiet places. Routines allow us to start and end our day with a greater chance that things will go smoothly. If the routines we develop to simplify our lives are considered the “machine,” then the holidays can certainly be considered the “monkey wrench” in this machine. 

   This isn’t to say that holidays are bad. They simply add stressors that can be difficult, but can also be positive. They cause us to create new schedules and make contingency plans.  And they also cause us to consider challenges that we may not encounter often or readily know how to address. Such challenges may include: How will my child sit through a prolonged family gathering? Will my child be accepted? Where will we find a quiet area if needed? How do I deal with crowds? How do I make travel plans? Who will help me supervise my child?

   In an effort to take control of the season, the following tips are offered:

• Keep your goals for the holidays realistic and attainable. A reminder to parents of both typically developing children and special needs children: our families are not perfect during the rest of the year, so don’t set expectations of perfection for the holidays.  Although it may sound trite, it is nevertheless true — the quality of time shared is more valuable than the quantity of time.